And Hold Their Hand

As I sit and write this morning, I am looking out the window to an ocean that is churning with winds 15 to 30 miles per hour, an overcast sky in a dull shade of grey, and a long empty beach.  For just a moment, you might think that would depress me, considering this was supposed to be a vacation in the sun.  And I’ll be honest, I have whined a bit.  But as I sit here this morning, a deeper reality has hit. 

I’m on vacation!  Don’t get me wrong. I love my work. I am blessed to be called by God to spend my days helping others, sharing Christ’s love, and spreading joy in a sometimes difficult world.  But it can be exhausting… and time consuming… and honestly, it can become my first love.  When the apostle Paul said “Get married if you must”, I understand what he meant.  Darryl and I were married for just over two years when my call came.  There are plenty of nights that I would honestly prefer to just stay at the church and continue doing whatever it is I am doing, but I know that I also made a commitment to my husband… so I need to close shop and go home. 

But on vacation… well, on vacation I don’t have to think about that.  I can just be Melany, Darryl’s wife.  The ride down to Virginia Beach was a blessing on its own; talking in the car, laughing about silly things, sharing about our hopes and dreams, and holding hands. Each is simple, but honestly, the simple things are what we so often miss.  My husband and I do intentionally make time for each other.  We have to… or it won’t happen.  We have a date night every Friday night and have for over 20 years.  I think we’ve probably missed 6 or 7 over those 20 years.  They are that important.  We schedule the rest of life around it.  We don’t have to have money to do it either.  We can take a blanket down to a park and just lay there and talk about life.  We can go to Meijers for a $1.49 ice cream cone and sit on a bench and people watch for hours… together.  What’s important is that we ARE together. 

Many studies have been done on the importance of quality time together as a married couple.  For instance, couples who have weekly date nights stay together… forever.  Couples who don’t?  Don’t. It’s that simple.  I know way too many couples who are together, but honestly, they don’t even like each other, let alone enjoy each other.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  It really doesn’t.  Anything worth having in life is worth investing in.  It’s worth investing time, attention and money, to be honest.  Think of all the other things we spend money on… Yah. My point. 

We went out of our way on the trip down this week just so we could attend a dirt track stock car race.  Would this have been my first pick?  My second or fifth?  No. Probably not.  But it is my husband’s first… and second and third.  It’s his love and goes way back to his childhood.  His father was a racer, his uncles, his brothers, and he was a racer when I met him.  It was a no brainer.  Love the man. Adjust the route, and go racing…. Then turn my head from time to time throughout the races and just look at the smile on his face.  Priceless.  Did I mention it was all of about 38 degrees that night??  Still, priceless.  Our relationship is worth it. 

Later down the road, we stopped at a fine art center in the hills of Virginia, and my husband followed me around from one artist area to the next… listening to me swoon over the texture on a piece of pottery, the color of a patina on a metal sculpture, or the gemstone set into a beautiful piece of jewelry… and he never once said, “Are we done yet?”  I’m sure he thought it.  But he loves me.  And he invests in our relationship.  And I love the arts.  And he knows it, so now I feel loved by him. 

So whether you are in Michigan or Virginia, Ohio or Florida, take some time to invest in those you love… even if it means doing something you don’t necessarily enjoy or would choose yourself.  Then, while you are in the absolute thick of it, take a look at the one you love… and enjoy that.  And while you’re at it, hold their hand.